Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The Flip Flop (continued)
One day your writing's great, the next it's crap. Same words on the page both days...
How to manage this drunken, unpredictable flop flop syndrome?
(Let me say up front that I didn't select the topic at random. I've been experiencing it on and off for years, quite intensely at times [most recently yesterday]. So what I'm about to write is as much perspective as it is therapy for myself.)
Everybody has the "just learning to walk stage" in which first efforts are just plain clumsy in a literary sense. I still have my very first versions of S7 and let me tell you, reading them is painful, well and truly so. Being able to compare that early work to my current work creates its own affirmation - but I have to give myself that. I have to be ready to accept the positive progression the comparison indicates. When I do, I help realistically define myself as a writer. The proof is in the progress. Hope is a river that runs in that.
The trick is to be mindful to update that comparison continually, to reinforce progress as it happens.
When I'm entertaining positive thoughts, I realize that I've worked this thing called writing... I left the comfort of base camp and started climbing this mountain that shoots into the sky and touches my dreams. When I look down, it's to where I started and sometimes I feel really good about the height I've achieved. I'm excited about the climb ahead, about my ability to keep climbing.
When I'm careless and moody... well, it's the opposite. Then I'm about ten feet above base camp, stuck in the rocks with no handhold above me. I'm the Beginner, the Unpublished, the Untalented, and worse, the Silly Dreamer... given to chasing results that only the Select Few ever achieve. Why bother? Woe is me!
The fact is, I'm learning to write. Like any learning process, enthusiasm will wane at times, doubt will nibble at the edges of intention (or even take chomps), and tunnel vision will take over. Part of successfully learning (and thus growing) is the act of enduring all that surrounds the process, and not letting your goals slip from your hands. Hold them, believe in them, and you will carry them through all that is necessary to arrive at the next waypoint, the next resting point on the mountain.
To become a writer is to accept the idea of expansion and contraction during the journey. It is to make mistakes and be willing to learn from them. It is to understand that the rise and fall of enthusiasm need not be tied to hope or your measure of your progress. You are becoming a writer. You are becoming more passionate about the craft. You are becoming experienced.
What your efforts lead to is in the story of your climb, the story of what happens on the mountain. Are you there? Braving the elements with hands in the crevices and feet stuffed in the cracks? Don't be afraid to look down... and don't be afraid to climb higher. I hear the view from your dreams is spectacular.
How to manage this drunken, unpredictable flop flop syndrome?
(Let me say up front that I didn't select the topic at random. I've been experiencing it on and off for years, quite intensely at times [most recently yesterday]. So what I'm about to write is as much perspective as it is therapy for myself.)
Everybody has the "just learning to walk stage" in which first efforts are just plain clumsy in a literary sense. I still have my very first versions of S7 and let me tell you, reading them is painful, well and truly so. Being able to compare that early work to my current work creates its own affirmation - but I have to give myself that. I have to be ready to accept the positive progression the comparison indicates. When I do, I help realistically define myself as a writer. The proof is in the progress. Hope is a river that runs in that.
The trick is to be mindful to update that comparison continually, to reinforce progress as it happens.
When I'm entertaining positive thoughts, I realize that I've worked this thing called writing... I left the comfort of base camp and started climbing this mountain that shoots into the sky and touches my dreams. When I look down, it's to where I started and sometimes I feel really good about the height I've achieved. I'm excited about the climb ahead, about my ability to keep climbing.
When I'm careless and moody... well, it's the opposite. Then I'm about ten feet above base camp, stuck in the rocks with no handhold above me. I'm the Beginner, the Unpublished, the Untalented, and worse, the Silly Dreamer... given to chasing results that only the Select Few ever achieve. Why bother? Woe is me!
The fact is, I'm learning to write. Like any learning process, enthusiasm will wane at times, doubt will nibble at the edges of intention (or even take chomps), and tunnel vision will take over. Part of successfully learning (and thus growing) is the act of enduring all that surrounds the process, and not letting your goals slip from your hands. Hold them, believe in them, and you will carry them through all that is necessary to arrive at the next waypoint, the next resting point on the mountain.
To become a writer is to accept the idea of expansion and contraction during the journey. It is to make mistakes and be willing to learn from them. It is to understand that the rise and fall of enthusiasm need not be tied to hope or your measure of your progress. You are becoming a writer. You are becoming more passionate about the craft. You are becoming experienced.
What your efforts lead to is in the story of your climb, the story of what happens on the mountain. Are you there? Braving the elements with hands in the crevices and feet stuffed in the cracks? Don't be afraid to look down... and don't be afraid to climb higher. I hear the view from your dreams is spectacular.
The Flip Flop
I've heard it said and believe (know) it's true....
On any given day, a writer might think their work is excellent, well crafted. They are pleased and proud. The next day, they might very well think it's just crap. The really crappy kind.
I've come to the practiced conclusion that this flip flop in self-appraisal of one's writing is, in fact, normal. It is the arc and dip of confidence, the breathing of the ego as it ponders the quality of the work. Too often, the act of comparison with other writer's work (typically published, polished work) serves as the trigger for the exaggerated exhale.
Such deep dives into despair and brutal criticism of one's own prose is a thrashing and painful experience. It strikes to the very core and rips the pen from the hand of the writer's soul. Anxiety sears the dreams from our hearts and dashes them on the rocks of "reality".
The trouble is, the reality may be very different from what we think it is. And you guessed it - this cuts both ways, for the inhale and the exhale. Glowing from re-reading a chapter you are proud still feels great even if fact there are problems within it hiding right under your nose. Conversely, your prose may feel dismal, devoid of emotion, and lacking originality when in fact it is none of that and really just you that is projecting your state of mind on your unsuspecting and otherwise solid work.
How to manage this drunken, unpredictable flop flop syndrome?
I'm at work, ending my lunch, so I'll have to ponder that later tonight and share more then. ;)
Oh, and happy Thursday...!
On any given day, a writer might think their work is excellent, well crafted. They are pleased and proud. The next day, they might very well think it's just crap. The really crappy kind.
I've come to the practiced conclusion that this flip flop in self-appraisal of one's writing is, in fact, normal. It is the arc and dip of confidence, the breathing of the ego as it ponders the quality of the work. Too often, the act of comparison with other writer's work (typically published, polished work) serves as the trigger for the exaggerated exhale.
Such deep dives into despair and brutal criticism of one's own prose is a thrashing and painful experience. It strikes to the very core and rips the pen from the hand of the writer's soul. Anxiety sears the dreams from our hearts and dashes them on the rocks of "reality".
The trouble is, the reality may be very different from what we think it is. And you guessed it - this cuts both ways, for the inhale and the exhale. Glowing from re-reading a chapter you are proud still feels great even if fact there are problems within it hiding right under your nose. Conversely, your prose may feel dismal, devoid of emotion, and lacking originality when in fact it is none of that and really just you that is projecting your state of mind on your unsuspecting and otherwise solid work.
How to manage this drunken, unpredictable flop flop syndrome?
I'm at work, ending my lunch, so I'll have to ponder that later tonight and share more then. ;)
Oh, and happy Thursday...!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
The Morning After
Yes, I did start it. And no, it shalt not become an alter to the Idle. Not as long as I have a dream. So good morning to it (the blog, the dream) and to my inner muse. Let the rambling writing begin.
Muse, noun, [myooz], 3. the goddess or the power regarded as inspiring a poet, artist, thinker, or the like
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Beginning in the Middle
Ummm, yeah.
Four years later, 40,000 words into it, I realized I wasn't taking the idea of becoming a writer very seriously... but knew I wanted to. I liked the story. I still had stuff that wanted to come out and I knew it could in the world I'd begun creating. My response was to pick up a book on fiction writing and get serious.
It worked, mostly. Over the next two years I picked up and studied about five more books on writing while doubling my word count by 2009. I was getting excited. I even went back over the original work and revised it with all the new found knowledge I had. Actually, I did that every time I finished reading one of the how-to books. Did it help? Absolutely. Each revision chipped away at the problems I hadn't known I had. All the while, I was keeping in touch with a brimming writer's community on the forums at AbsoluteWrite.com. I submitted three chapters in the peer review forum for the genre... and received great critiques that further helped me to learn the craft.
Fast forward another year and I found myself writing regularly. In 2010, the muse (or muses) visited me almost daily. I followed where they led. The story unfolded, even grew wings. The word count had soared (and I do mean soared). Things had happened in the world of System Seven. A lot of things! Alas, things had also happened in my world... including an end of a long marriage. Writing became an anchor for me then, one that tied me over the intense currents of change that ensued.
Finally, after a long and arduous battle between revisioning and trying to actually get to the ending of the story, I did reach the end. It was Christmas morning 2010 at 2:30am or so. The word count was over 220,000 words, but the story had been told. What a tremendous feeling!!! But inside, I knew there was still much to fix...
The year 2011 brought more revisions... of the novel and my personal life (luckily, both were positive). Draft two took most of the year as a result. Draft three began in the last weeks of December and continues today.
This is a big book. Not as big as most every of Robert Jordan's books in the Wheel of Time series, but it's big. The story spans some 675 pages and 73 chapters and is segmented into three parts (I. Shift, II. Change, and III. Control). I've revised through chapter 26 (part 1) and have that out to four readers and am incorporating the resulting feedback. I'm pushing to revise part 2 now. (A final re-doing of the chapters is still ahead - with some consolidation involved I'm sure).
That's where this blog starts, in the middle. Or, almost in the middle... I'm at the part where I need to find out if the story sucks or not. I need to know what others think of it. If it passes muster, I'll go on and try get an agent and see where things go. If it doesn't pass muster, if it's truly diseased with first-novelitis, then I'll shelve it and begin a fresh project and put all my knowledge and experience to work on something better.
What exactly am I going to blog about? Honestly, I won't really know until my inner-muse decides to post. I can say I'd like to be helpful to other writers, to share inspiration and provide motivation as well as provide truly useful stuff. And I can say I'll likely use the blog as an anchor for my efforts and as a therapy couch. We'll see.
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